Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
