he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
