What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
