you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
not ubering you a puppy
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
