How's work?
Spinning.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We left the knife in your bed.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
