Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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