she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
