I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
