I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
