Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
