As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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