i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
