The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
