I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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