and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
