so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I need water and some morals
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
