I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
