I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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