Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Randomize
