Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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