When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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