Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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