Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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