I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
