I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Randomize
