So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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