After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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