so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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