So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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