He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Randomize
