Sry I called you an 8
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
