porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
