8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
