Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
