i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I checked into jail on foursquare
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
