you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
we're so committed to being not committed
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
