You kept calling me your small dog last night.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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