My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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