there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
