i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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