even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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