omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
