shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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