so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
