It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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