remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
