Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
