I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
