I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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