Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
