Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Fuck me I smell like cheese
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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