Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm bleeding and have questions
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
