He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
