Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
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I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
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I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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