Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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