I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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