wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
