I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
