she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
it's like heaven, but drunker
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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