He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize