You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
