Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
