i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
