Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
