Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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