I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
