Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
