Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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