I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
