Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We just shotgunned beers for America
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
