he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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