babies were throwing up all over the place
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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