I think I won the penis lottery.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
